Sheep Shearing For shear entertainment, it can’t be beat!

January 26, 2016

Sheep Stuff

Filed under: — Damian Moran @ 9:59 pm

Sheep Jokes

A Donegal farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he needs to take them to visit a ram.
The Donegal farmer only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lie down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The Donegal farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that he should brings his ewes to visit his friend who has a ram in the next village So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them to his friend in the next village, leaves them in the field with the ram has a cup of tea with his friend and then, brings them back home and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again, drives them to his friend in the next village, leaves them in the field with the ram has a cup of tea with his friend and then, brings them back home and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them drives them to his friend in the next village, leaves them in the field with the ram has a cup of tea with his friend and then, brings them back home and goes to bed.
Next morning, he asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. “No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them’s honking the horn.”SheepWinkTwo guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
“Wow…that looks deep.”
“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is?”
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.
“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.”
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. ……………..Nothing. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey…over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad sleeper. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that in, it’s has to make some noise.”
The two men drag the heavy railroad sleeper over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a ram appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, and then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished at what they’ve just seen..Then, out of the woods, comes a farmer who spots them and ambles over.
“Hey, have either of you two guys seen my ram out here?”
“You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”
“Nah,” says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been my ram………………..My ram was chained to a railroad sleeper.
animated-sheep-image-0039

A Westmeath sheep farmer was out on his quad attending to his flock in a field near to his farm when suddenly a brand-new BMW raced down the lane towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and Yves Saint Laurent tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The Westmeath sheep farmer looked at the man, who was obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered, “Aye, why not”
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his iPad and connected it to a mobile phone , then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the farmer and says, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”
“Holy f*ck, that is correct, that’s amazing; take one of my sheep, as I have promised you lad” said the farmer. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the farmer says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
“OK, why not.” answered the young man.
“Clearly, you are a management consultant.” said the Westmeath sheep farmer.
“That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required boy” answers the farmer. “You turned up here although nobody bloody Colliecalled you. You want to get paid for an answer I already bloody knew, to a question I never bloody asked, and you don’t know bugger all about my business. Now give me back my sheep dog!

 

 

Two dumb blond sheep are walking on the grasslands. Suddenly they both fall into a hole.SheepWink
They can’t get out.
The first dumb blond sheep starts to shout: “Baa!! Baaa!!”
It does not seem to work. No help is coming. The first dumb sheep shouts again: “Baa!!! Baaa!!”
The second dumb sheep says: “It might help if we shout together.”
The first dumb sheep shouts: “Together!! Together!!”

No Comments

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Powered by WordPress